Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Sigh. I slept for around 13 hours, and though my 3 pimples have magically disappeared overnight, i woke up feeling like i have a hangover
And i dont even feel like this when i get drunk.
Still feeling groggy, but my appetite has improved. Got a lot of work to do. And i'm planning to quit my job.
Worked the mid shift yesterday, but realized my back can't take it.
Stress. I cannot die-die also must take the route i initially wanted to walk already. 5 months, $3000. Maybe i ain't trying hard enough, but anyway, $3000 is a big sum of money. i've decided on another cheaper alternative.
Only to be hit with a lot of problems.
Sigh.
And i rather walk this path alone..
Cos guys are not girls, they do not understand, and i..
i recently read a book about relationships.
Something struck me right in the face - why men cheat. Then i thought, how true! After getting comfortable with each other, the girl will tend to dress more comfortably. It might bug the guy a lot, and he won't even know to what extend.
They're visual creatures, right.
For my case, i dressed down rather fast. Don't need 1 month. @_@!! And im guilty..
Even though right now i want to be with jack, i hope he cheats on me and we break off for good.
Unfortunately this relationship is costing me a lot, and since i dragged on for so long, i have started to be dependant on it.
Giving it up now is gonna be difficult. But ever since i got together with jack, ive lost a lot of friends, especially guy friends.
Why are guys so narrow minded? If we can't be girl/boyfriends, why not just friends? Cos people who make good friends might not be good lovers!
Then my freedom. I still want to go out and have my share of fun. I hate it when i want to play and he feels uncomfortable with it. Love-hate relationship. I know how it feels.
So, i've been asked.
It is worth it? Your future is at stake now. You can play now, be a good girlfriend, and sacrifice YOUR WORK(thus chances of making money), and what do you get? Will you still be with jack in 1 year's time?
Or will you be stranded with NO education, NO jack, just a whole bunch of regrets?
Your characters do not complement each others. That's why your quarrels are always about ONE thing - jealousy, and the lack of attention.
You are a more free spirited person, and you're more like a guy sometimes. You do love jack, but u show it in different ways. It's not saying "i love you", it's not like how society defines love as giving your partner sex, its not material stuff.
But what jack wants is constant affection and attention. If his standards aren't met, it means you are neglecting him. What it seems like now, is that you're giving, but he rejects, and he believes he isnt receiving.
Your relationship isn't balanced. You'll break down sooner or later.
You both may quarrel and arrive at a temporary compromise - but like you know, it doesnt last long. Your side will crumble first because you have more things to think about.
If you leave jack, you will move on in life.
But what if jack leaves you?
Oh, that question made me cry.
I dont want to leave jack. But maybe i do have to. Since he is causing me so much problems, and i DO NOT wish to learn to juggle him + my life.
Everyone else i know do not have to think about my set of problems. Yes i may sound weak, but do you actually know what i am going through? No...
Cos i lie all day, everytime i'm not alone i'll be lying
I want to get out of the clutches of my past, and move on in life. So i'll have to pay this price.
If only people would be more understanding, and know that to each his own - Don't say you totally understand my situation, cos noone can fully understand another person's feelings and thoughts.
Everyone has secrets.
And i can only look unto Kyouya as my idol.
I still believe i am gonna be just fine.
Really...
1:22 PM
